well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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