How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
