We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
