I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
