My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
