You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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