Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
