Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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