Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
