is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
