Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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