mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
