I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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