Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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