so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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