Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
