So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
