YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
