so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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