I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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