4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
