we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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