Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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