Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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