Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
