What a fucking waste of an outfit
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize