You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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