did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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