Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
