Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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