what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
