I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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