you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
