I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
