I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
