he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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