i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
