she woke up with a sticky ear
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
