I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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