her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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