Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
