You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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