I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
