Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
