she looked like the bat from fern gully.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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