and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
