No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
