alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My ass is underappreciated
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
