If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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