your parents love me but you hate me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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