She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
