i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you never un-have a 4some
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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