I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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