He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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