Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
