Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
