i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
