I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
