i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
