i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
