You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
