we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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