chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
