would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
