Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize