I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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