Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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