If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
