so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
