Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
