I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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