the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
