remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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