We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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