I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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