You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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