So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
