So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
